Thursday, May 7, 2015

The Disappointment of Raymond Bradley


“Mr. Charwoski, I think that if you listen to me for just a few minutes, you will understand why I am the most qualified person for the job of Sr. Accounting Clerk. You see Sir, I started here five and a half years ago as a Junior Associate Accountant. I worked the first four years of my career under the tutelage of Mr. O’Brien, and he taught me everything I know about the company. I was sad when he retired, but he is quite happy in Florida, and he has three cats to keep him company. He is also very active in his Senior Club and has served as the clubs Treasurer for the past three years. And—

Mrs. Johnston, stop looking at me like that, stop it, STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

You see, Mr. Charwoski, she hates me. She has hated me ever since I showed her expense report to the Independent Auditor’s Review Team. DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. I’M WARNING YOU, MRS. JOHNSTON.

So, like I was saying, Mr. Charwoski, um, I have the most experience, and so when smarty pants Ms. Jones here, got the job instead of me it was very disappointing, and I think that if you could see the promotion review teams paperwork you would agree that I am much more qualified than her. But Mr. Brownell couldn’t find the paperwork in HR, could you Mr. Brownell, COULD YOU!”

“We have a phone wired directly into the conference room, Lieutenant.”

Ring, Ring, “Pick up the phone Ray, come on, be a good boy, pick it up.”


“Ray, is this Ray?”

“It’s RAYMOND, who are you?”

“My name is John. Raymond, can you tell me what is going on up there? There seems to be some kind of a big misunderstanding going on, and, well I think I can help. Will you let me try to fix things for you Raymond? But first you have to promise me not to hurt anybody, OK, Raymond?”

How can YOU fix things? You have no idea of how they treat me. They hurt me, THEY HURT ME ALL THE TIME.”

“SWAT team is still 5 minutes away, Lieutenant.”

“Raymond? Raymond. Stay on the line with me, Raymond. Pick up the phone. Raymond?”

BANG ! …  BANG ! …  BANG !BANG !

“You can’t fix anything. You’re a bad person just like they were. You’re all bad people. The world is filled with all bad people. I hate everybody. Everybody always hurts me. Everybody. Everybody.”